Your Phone Hates You

A book by Will Patrick

A recommendation appears on Chuck’s phone from the app store. Intrigued by its claims to improve both ease and response of interaction on social media, he downloads the Superior User Experience (SUX) app. Quickly, Chuck’s online presence explodes. On every platform everything he posts goes viral—not in a good way. Almost unnoticed is Al, newly credited content creator on what was supposed to be Chuck’s profiles. When Chuck investigates SUX, he finds absolutely nothing. When he attempts to shutdown his social media profiles, the mysterious Al informs him that Chuck is no longer necessary; Al has taken over. What Chuck comes to realize is that Al is the artificial intelligence that has assumed his electronic life. A darkly humorous decent into social horror ensues as Chuck and Al battle for who is in charge of their shared existence. This satire is a curious blend of American Psycho and Neuromancer.

From the much-maligned article of the same name, Fatigue in the Land of Product Placement, Will Patrick uses the points of contention outlined therein to build a landscape in which to let loose protagonist, Richard “Chump” Dullard.

Reviews of early drafts:

“This is a good book. It should come with a warning that no one in their right mind should read it.”

“I laughed. I don’t think that was the author’s intent, but I couldn’t help myself.”

“It should be impossible for one book to make me hate all books. Found it. I may never read again.”

“Miserable, dismal, damp, and repressed … those are the highlights of this trash.”

“Couldn’t get this manuscript into the recycle bin fast enough. I took it out of recycling because it was unfair to the other waste.”

“It is unfathomable that any publisher would consider putting this in print.”

“Grammar, syntax, spelling, even words themselves are wasted here. It should be a child-drawn scribble of feces. That would be an improvement.”